By Doris AC Johnson MA of Psy, ABA 

I will not perform wife duties and be a girlfriend, and I certainly will not perform girlfriend duties and be a seat filler. (not at 50 years old) Not anymore! No sir! Not again! I have been there many times…more times than I care to recall. And I’m finally unashamed. 

My entire life is a competition! My love life shouldn’t have to be. Storms will come…this I know, but the question is how will the both of us handle this rain. If we have already established that we want to form a union, then shouldn’t we be moving in that way? In the same direction? Or…is it that we have not decided that this is what we want, and I am living on a wish and a dream while you are slowly spoon-feeding me salt that looks like sugar? Every installment tastes a little better because you are using the Jedi mind trick.

You got me drinking vinegar while I’m believing that it’s water. It could be the manipulative charm used to keep me hanging on. The twinkle in your eye…the flash of your smile…the way you call me “baby”…These things force me to do what you want me to do. Or am I seduced by small gestures that I can find almost anywhere? But because I’m conscious of my shortcomings, I take another bite and the bait, and I slip into the corner of your pocket…a place where I’m well hidden, easy to deny, yet always accessible. That is absolutely no way for a woman to carry on! At least not a woman that wants something meaningful. 

…so I’m supposed to stand by and watch you explore your options?…so I’m your girl Tuesday?…so if things don’t work out with option number 3 for the day, then you call me and I come running with that umbrella. And then when things feel a little strained between the two of us, you refer back to option number 4 and it all starts all over again…THE RELATIONSHIP ROTATION! If she is not conforming to your ways just call

me…I’m your old faithful…I’m special because I keep running and coming with the umbrella because I can’t take it. I can’t handle the thought of not having just a morsel of you. A morsel of hope for love. I am determined to…I swear I will…I will love you into loving me. I want the title. So if she breaks your heart, then I am the one to wipe your tears and unbreak it? If you make a mess…don’t worry, I will not only bring the umbrella…the mop will too be on deck. I got you! 

Is that any way for a woman to carry on that wants a happily ever after? Make me know. 

Perhaps, that was the little girl in me searching for a happy ending. That scared little girl in me died a long time ago. I never liked getting my hair wet. I can’t stand the feeling of water getting in my shoes. I drink water, I bathe in water, I shower with water, I dip my feet in the pool. But I’m not with the mud. I’m not waiting for you to direct my traffic or control my weather. So for all that have the notion that I will be happy in that rain

and thrilled with just a pinch of sunshine, is wrong as two left shoes.… I can’t stand it!

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