WHY ARE SOME PEOPLE DECEPTIVE?

Jane Dovidio-Gagliardo

Did you ever come in contact with someone who constantly gets away with everything? They create all kinds of chaos and say all kinds of things then sit back and watch the show. I call them shit stirrers. Lol. Throughout the course of my life, I have had people like this come in and out if my life. Some are even family members. So what do you do with people like this? Well, I can share with you what I do and what I have done that works. For example, I told who I thought was a good friend something that was private. Then in mixed company, she told everyone what I said. Yes, the bullseye was right on my forehead. Lol. I searched for the right words and tried to make excuses. Then I just owned up to it and explained why I felt that way. I also made it clear to everyone that I had confided in her.

Yes, she chose to share and break my confidence in her. But after she did that to me, she also did the same thing to someone else. We all walked away a little bruised. We were eventually able to mend our wounds. But only after she did it several times. I don’t really have much to do with her now. I do, however, see her on occasions in mixed company. She wants to get together for lunch, but I make it clear that will never happen. So she finally decided to move on. Why doesn’t she get it? I’m sure I’m not the only one who has distanced themselves from her. Yet people say “That’s just how she is” or “sometimes you just have to accept people for the way they are.” I have a hard time with that. Maybe if every time she does violate someone’s trust, and they brought it to her attention she will realize she follows a pattern of deception that doesn’t lend to the manifestation of healthy and long-term friendships. Yet people put up with it. But I choose not to.

I think we need to think better of ourselves and hold people accountable when they hurt or deceive us. Is there a reason why we shouldn’t? I guess if the person is in your family, it’s ok to make an exception… ABSOLUTELY NOT! Deceitfulness is just that. No matter who is delivering that worthless package of “bull.” Is it wrong to expect people to live by our standards? I don’t believe we can expect anyone to live by our standards, but we do get to choose how they play a part in our lives. If you are the receiver of someone’s deceitfulness, then hell yes you get to decide how to deal with them… or not! Never allow anyone to tread on you… ever. Especially when they are targeting you.

Are deceitful people born that way or did they become a deceptive person as they got older? Studies have shown that people are not born deceptive… unless they are natural-born narcissists. But that’s a whole other blog. Lol. Becoming deceptive is a way of survival for some people who are trying to be excepted or who just like to see people squirm. It is also a form of power exerted over others. How many times have you watched someone just lie right to your face? It’s like watching a freight train jump the tracks. What do we do with people who are deceptive? I think we must keep them at a distance from us and the people we love. They are not about to admit their shortcomings and we do not have to get the short end of the deal when interacting with them. We always have the power to control what our relationship is with them.

As members of the human family, it is vital that each of us be accountable for our own healthy minds and lives. Never be afraid to keep your circle small and protected. It’s your sanity that’s your concern and responsibility. Sometimes being honest with some people just doesn’t matter to them. It really doesn’t. So, when necessary, cut your losses and move on. We are not here to save everyone. Not even from themselves. I leave you with this quote: “Never Let A Bad Person Change Your Inner Goodness.” (Carol Samuelshon)