Too many people are asking me where they might have gone wrong in their relationship…and I am going to do the best that I can to address that. There is a constant emotional tug of war between men and women. And there always has been. What does that mean? Men and women’s brains are wired differently. It doesn’t mean that one is more intelligent than the other. It simply means that we think differently. We operate differently. This type of war is not at all physical. It’s more like a psychological battle. THIS is exactly why a strategy must be put in place. Don’t get it confused. I wouldn’t call this a game. I call it being intentional (in terms of a relationship). I went wrong so so many times. Let me the first so say. I call it theMe myself and LIE phase. (and we will cover that on a later date) People are so quick to say that “I treat people the way I want to be treated.” I always hated that because it sounds selfish. I mean like are you looking for a return for being human? I took it a step further and I would say that I treat people the way I treat myself. And it sounds good and admirable. And I was filled with pride after each deed. Until I begin to internalize the things I was told as I served up pretty with a smile. After I treated each with southern hospitality. It felt good to my soul. Real good. Then I was questioned by someone who asked why I was so good to him. Although it was in my nature to be so nurturing, I asked myself WHY am I so good? I am not even from the south. It’s a good thing that I didn’t treat them the way I was treating myself or they would have gone emotionally missing a long time ago. Or they would have been empty from refilling everyone else’s cup. Lord knows I walked by a mirror a hundred million times and never once saw a reflection because I didn’t see me or myself. All I saw was a lie. I was avoiding myself. I mistook so much salt for sugar and turned a blind eye because I had practiced being unmoved. Unbothered. I hid behind that principle. My desire to give and expect nothing. And it felt good until realized that I was giving what I didn’t have, and I was pulling from here and pinching from there to fix problems that I didn’t cause. How was I treating them like I treated myself when I was long gone…sucked dry but how can I get mad when I gave them the straw? Walked out in the shoes I bought. Lifelines because I sacrificed mine. But the reality is that if I were sacrificing mine then where would that really leave me…certainly without a life because I gave it away every time I said it’s ok. Come in. Wipe your feet on my face. I stayed in relationships because I was treating them the way I treated myself which wasn’t very good. At least not for me. I needed a plan. Don’t make the mistake that I did. Be courageous enough to express what you want. Be intentional! Stand up for yourself. You deserve to make things visible and clear from day one! One of the biggest mistakes I made when entering a relationship is not being honest about what I want…what my heart desires…what I require. And I used to feel like I was being mean or unreasonable for standing by my principles and asking for what I wanted. What’s not clear will always be compromised. I want to be fully comfortable…that Adam and eve comfortable. (thank you, Pastor Todd)Sounds real simple right? And it can be. I knew that but it was easier to wear the blindfold with my fingers crossed behind my back. IT WAS SO MUCH EASIER TO AVOID MYSELF…to hope for the sun while I was in a full-blown tsunami. And my storm was far from over. What sense would it make for me to stand in someone else’s rain?
