What To Do When It’s Over
By Ronald Yates
I have often asked myself what happens when the love you once felt dies, or does real love ever truly die? There are times when the person who lays next to you night after night is like the sun, they light up your life and warm your soul. Their smile illuminates as bright as the sun; and, in your mind, there is no one who can ever make you feel that same special way. But in life there are days when dark clouds will form and block out the sun, those are the days when the smile doesn’t shine as brightly, when you awaken not feeling the same level of emotion. Some say that is the time to walk away, while others say hold on. The sun will shine again, the love you once felt will rise again just as the sun rises in the east.
For men, the sense of loss is very different from the emotional struggles that many women endure. We do not have the same innate ability to process pain the way our female counterparts do. We go into a state of denial, or we lash out, anything to deflect the pain. For us, we tend to not internalize the lasting effects of a relationship coming to an end. Some of us believe that the next best thing is just around the corner. That isn’t always the case, in most instances, we should all take some time between relationships as there is always some healing that needs to take place before we can move on. The next question is where do we go from here? In other words, can we part ways without seeking to destroy one another’s emotional stability? Is it possible to sit down, give one another much-needed closure, simply say we may not have been right for each other, but that does not mean that you can’t be someone else’s sunshine, make them feel the same warmth we once shared.In our modern world, it is becoming increasingly more difficult to find a suitable mate. Somehow generations before us had much less in terms of material wealth but were able to stay together. Our parents and grandparents had challenges that we will never understand. Most of us have never had to face the overt racism, the total loss of humanity, the complete lack of anything close to equal rights. Perhaps for us things are too easy. Perhaps, when things are so easy it is simple to just walk away, start all over again someplace else with someone new. Starting over should be a simple process; but after a relationship ends many of us still have open wounds. In many respects, we are like wounded animals. We know instinctively we should never approach a wounded animal; the animal doesn’t know that your intentions are pure, that you’re not there to hurt them, but like all wounded animals are running on instinct instead of reason. Getting that wounded person to lower their guard, open themselves up is a near-impossible task, but it is something that we must do if we are to ever find love again.