Is It Customary For A Man to Pay for Sex?
By Ronald Yates
In my discussions with a broad cross-section of women, there are a number of responses I have received to this question. There are those who make it clear, “NO MONEY, NO HONEY.” Then there are those who are more subtle, these ladies will never say they expect to be paid for their affection, but that is not to say that they do not believe that a man shouldn’t show his gratitude in the form of some gift, cash or otherwise. It would appear that there is a belief amongst at least some women that even though sex should be a consensual act between consenting adults, men should be required to pay for the pleasure of a lady’s intimate company. Theoretically, the sex act should be pleasurable to both parties, so if that is the case why are men expected to dig deep?
It is understandable if a man were to request the services of a “Working Girl,” but that’s not what’s being discussed here. A dating relationship is the focus or in modern terminology “Friends With Benefits.” In the latter case it would seem as if men may get the greater benefit in a Friends w/Benefits arrangement… access with little to no responsibility. For women, there is always the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy. Seemingly women tend to seek more in terms of commitment long before men do. It would seem that for many women monogamy is innate. For many of the women I have posed the question to, there is a common thread. While they will gladly accept cash gratuities in reality, they would prefer to have the man. In some ways, it seems incongruous for a woman to have multiple sex partners, while actively searching for just one.
The question is raised if men can do it why can’t women? It is common for men to, shall we say, sample several flowers in the garden before deciding on one. While that is true it is the emotional responses that separate us. Men typically do not develop the same level of emotional connections that women do. That is not to say that men do not feel, or love, or make commitments, it just seems to take us longer. People have long said that women develop faster and by “develop” I mean emotionally and psychologically as opposed to physically. So, it would seem women tend to have a better idea of what they want much sooner than men. For ladies there is the ever-present fear of being labeled a whore or someone who has a history… something men do not have to contend with. For that reason, women tend to be guarded with their reputations as well as their pasts. There was a time when a woman, who only dated men of means were called “Gold Diggers.” Today the paradigm has shifted, it would seem as if fewer ladies are interested in men of just moderate income. That is not to say that all ladies are quote-unquote “Gold Diggers.” I think today’s economic realities create pressures that past generations did not have to deal with. Forty years ago, 100 dollars could feed a family of four for a month. Today that same 100 dollars feeds a family of 4 for a night and costs are continuing to skyrocket. I get it, there is an old adage that states “Why pay for the cow when you get the milk for free.” I think the idea was more to be chaste than to expect something in return, but of course, that statement can be interpreted to mean just the opposite, that you should get something if you’re going to give something.
On the subject of giving and getting, I can’t tell you how many times I have heard men say “I got that,” or ladies say something along the line of “You ain’t this,” but in actuality what do you really get? You can’t take it home with you, it’s not something you can wear or exchange for goods or services, so what do you get? If what you’re receiving is an experience that both of you share, how do you put a price tag on an experience? While I have asked several ladies their opinion on the subject, the answers I’ve gotten do not adequately explain why a man should be expected to pay for an activity that both parties enjoy. Perhaps one of you, the readers, can provide a better explanation.
