Is She the One?
By Ronald Yates
For many men, there is a fear of commitment, but there are so many issues that need to be sorted out before he decides to take that step and enter into a lifelong commitment. Like women, men have anxieties about settling down. We want to make sure that we are getting all that we hoped for… even if that is the case now while dating, will that translate over into marriage. No man wants to be surprised to find out the woman of his dreams has become a nightmare. Everything that was promised has now faded. How can you be sure? That is the billion-dollar question. I see posts on social media that state, “Men don’t require years to make up their minds about popping the question.”
I tend to think the longer you wait the better the outcome. It seems that many modern couples don’t know one another very well. That knowledge comes after the wedding and the honeymoon phase of the relationship has faded. For nearly every couple there are growing pains, it takes time, effort, and a great deal of patience for two people of sometimes diverse backgrounds to form a lasting union. We don’t think the same, we don’t like the same foods, we don’t even share the same likes in the television shows we watch; but somehow, we make it work. For most men, we don’t romanticize the wedding the way some women do. In reality, the planning is pretty much the bride’s domain. Generally, she has a clear picture of what she wants. We just show up for the rehearsal and nuptials. For men, the real fear is the loss of freedom. No longer can you pick and choose. From now on there is going to be one woman, one woman only; so it is important that you pick carefully.
Of the major issues, for men, that can make or break a relationship one is intimacy, for many married men I have encountered there is the constant complaint of loss of sexual intimacy. To say that some men want “A lady in the streets, but a freak beneath the sheets” is probably accurate. We all enter into marriage with fantasies that we hope our partner is open to at the least experiment with, but what happens when after you say “I do, she says “I don’t need to anymore.” Another make-or-break issue is finance, most people won’t discuss their finances, they seem to think of it as a private matter, or it just doesn’t come up in conversation. We spend a lot of time talking but are we discussing real issues. In the early stages of a new relationship, we tend to focus on the superficial. Is she pretty enough, are her boobs big enough, does she have a cadonkadonk? These things might seem important but may turn out not to be as important as we first thought. While she may satisfy your carnal needs, do you have anything in common beyond the physical? Once we get past that we begin to talk about how we can combine the finances only to discover the financial picture is much worse than it seemed. We see people who are always dressed down, new clothes, fly jewelry, nice car, hair always cut, or done perfect; but these things cost, they are not cheap. If she is used to getting her hair and nails done every two weeks, is it in the budget? Is the emphasis on dressing up, or on saving for the future, buying a home, or saving for college for children? Of course, women will have the very same concerns, does he enjoy pampering himself, is he adept at handling a budget, or does he spend recklessly? People say that men and women are so different, but in reality, we are not that far apart in our thinking. The real differences may be in our emotional responses, but in terms of thinking, we are not too different.
I write this article for men, as it is men who are expected to take a knee and ask for her hand in marriage. But if we are going to do it, we need to be reasonably sure that we have found the right match. We need to understand that the right match isn’t always the woman who has all of the physical attributes we like, but rather the one that brings out the best in you… the one that makes you believe in yourself and assists you in achieving your dream(s). We, men, need to talk to older, wiser men who can tell us what to expect, as well as the things that we should be taking about, things that really matter when it comes to manifesting, maintaining, and sustaining a healthy and lasting relationship.