Ladies, Are You Running An Adult Daycare Center?
By Ronald Yates
Ladies, have you ever found yourself in a relationship that you knew from day one was the wrong decision? Every fiber of your being told you that this is far from Mr. Right, in fact, he isn’t even “Mr. Right Now,” but after years of devoting your time and energy to building a career, giving of yourself to others (e.g., family, friends the community), there was simply no time to even consider romance. There was just so much to get done, but now after years of hard work and dedication it is finally your time, you’ve got the career, the home, and the bank account… now all you need is the “Right Man.” You may have always wanted children, two would be nice, a boy and a girl. You may even have names already picked out for them and can already envision them going to their first day of school. Your plan is laid out for you, but all you need is that one missing piece of your “happily ever after” puzzle, and finding it can be more challenging than building a career.
Nearly every woman has a story to tell about how bad things went with some dude who was a “Man Impersonator.” He looked like a man, talked like a man, was even built like a man, but did none of the things that men are supposed to do. These guys seem fearless, but in reality, they have two great terrors, one is a job, the other is child support, and let’s not forget lacks responsibility. They are the ones who have mastered the art of manipulation. That is how they manage to move between homes so skillfully, these master manipulators will never be out on the street, they always have a woman in reserve who they can fall back on in case of an emergency. These guys have spent lots of time studying women, what they like, the places they go, and of course what they want to hear from a man, even if he’s not really a emotional/spiritually mature man. Most women, it would seem, have an innate desire to nurture. That nurturing instinct is designed for children, to ensure that they get all of the love and attention they need, but somehow it is the adult children that seem to become the greatest recipients of that nurturing. Is it the fault of these guys? Yes and No. Many of these dudes never had much interaction with a real man. Many of them never knew their fathers and never learned the lessons that men are taught by their fathers and grandfathers. They never really develop essential life skills, other than that of manipulation, if you call that a skill. Their first priority is them; their last priority is also them. They typically don’t have the time or patience for others, even if it is their own children.
So how do you spot these guys? Well, that can be tricky; some of them are embedded amongst real men, so at first glance, they may appear to be regular men. However, once you engage them in conversation the differences should be clear. They may seem a bit too attentive, even somewhat overly anxious. They may have worn out their welcome at their last daycare center and are in dire need of new accommodations.
Ladies, I would strongly suggest that you listen closely to these guys. If they tell you they are manual laborers, inspect their hands, look for signs of callouses. Don’t let on that you are looking at their hands; do it discreetly. Keep track of the times that he calls. Are they normal working hours? Does he stay on the phone for an inordinate amount of time? If so, he probably isn’t calling from work. Monitor the number/numbers he calls from, if he has multiple cell phone numbers that is a telltale sign that you should run. For some women, the idea of being alone is out of the question. The prospect of having someone to come home to, to be held, to have someone tell you they love you, even when you know it’s not true is nothing more than a show of desperation. You constantly lie to yourself, to your friends about who you are dealing with. You make excuses for him as to why he’s not working, or you create a cover story… he has his own business, or he works from home.” You know there is no future with him, even though you try so hard to make yourself believe his stories. You’ve heard them all before, about how hard it is to get a job, how he’s trying, he just needs you to be patient and supportive. The reality is he will never change. He doesn’t have to. He knows some woman, if not you, will take him in. He will be with the next woman telling her the same story he told you, about how his last lover gave up on him, how he gave so much and got so little back. He has become masterful at pulling on the heartstrings of the women he preys upon.
Ladies if this sounds familiar, then perhaps you are running an adult daycare center. The relationship you thought you were cultivating is actually more like a kindergarten for adult kids. The key to finding Mr. Right is first loving yourself enough to recognize when a man is running game on you. The more you love yourself the less likely you are to accept a stray dude in search of someone who will take him in and take care of him. The other piece of advice I would offer is to go to less conventional places to come in contact with men. How many of you have thought about going to the library to find Mr. Right? If he’s in the library that could be an indication that he thinks about something other than himself and sex.
Lastly, ladies, don’t make the same mistakes that some of us men make, that is to judge a potential mate by the size of her breasts or butt. Outward appearances are often deceiving. For a relationship to last, there has to be more than just the physical which, over time, will change. So, ladies maybe that guy in the flashy car isn’t the only choice or the best choice. Sometimes Mr. Right is closer than you think; but because he doesn’t stand out, he blends into the background and is overlooked. He may not have a Mercedes Benz or a banging bachelor crib, but he knows how to treat a lady and has lots of love to shower on a potential mate.