Do Women Hate One Another?
By Ronald Yates
I cannot tell you how many times sisters have commented to me “I don’t do women!” What is meant by that is I cannot deal with the constant drama associated with some women. You know who these women are, they are the ones who, seemingly suck all the air out of the room as soon as they enter. These are the ladies who go out with their girlfriends and just moments later, they are ready to leave. These are the ones who don’t feel as if they are getting the proper amount of attention from their male counterparts. Since they aren’t getting enough attention, they want everybody to go. Of course, the other members of the group may not be ready to leave. They are determined to ensure that if they aren’t having a good time no one will. I can remember, back in the day, going to clubs, approaching a lady only to be rebuffed by one of her friends who sized me up and decided I was not the proper fit for her girlfriend. Then there are the women that simply do not trust one another. How many times have you heard women say “I don’t trust other women and would never consider leaving their man alone with any other woman, not even a family member.
For us men, it is difficult to understand how women, who seemingly agree on almost every subject, particularly subjects relating to men are, highly distrustful of one another. Nowadays we are dealing with a shortage of eligible men. Ultimately, the competition among women has gone into overdrive. With an ongoing pandemic hampering the social scene, some women have resorted to drastic measures. Some are using social media as a means to minimize the chances of some sisters to find their “Mr. Right,” while hoping to improve their own. These are the ladies who are seen on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and other social media sites throwing shade on other sisters. Another issue that we men find puzzling is when sisters catch their man cheating, they blame the other woman… definitely a case of misplaced anger. They ignore the man’s indiscretions and focus their rage on the other woman who may or may not be aware of the initial woman’s existence. I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen sisters literally tear each other to pieces over some dude who isn’t worth the fight. How many sisters have had their expensive weaves ripped out at the root? Ouch… that has got to hurt. Then you have the ladies who suffer from severe insecurities. These are the women who want to kill or seriously disfigure her rival. I imagine their rationale may go something like this: If I change her physical appearance, he won’t want her anymore and he will come back to me.
I can remember the 2012 Olympic games, American gymnast Gabby Douglas won the overall competition and bringing home gold for the U.S. Despite her historic accomplishment, the buzz on social media was the fact that her hair was not properly done while giving post-event interviews. What! Nobody seemed to care that she achieved was a historic moment for a Black woman and Black people, in general. To medal in the field of gymnastics, an event that had historically been dominated by Caucasian women was monumental. All you have to do is pay close attention when a woman enters a room and there are other women present, the women in the room will invariably size up the newcomer. They notice everything… hair, nails, clothes, footwear, and of course makeup. These ladies are looking for imperfections, even the slightest ones, anything that can be used to throw dirt on the newcomer. And, if you pay close attention, you will notice the change in expression on the faces of the women in the room. Occasionally you will catch the eye-rolling, the stink eyes, and sourpuss face that is directed at her. It begs to question, “Do women like one another?”
Of course, it goes without saying that men have their issues as well. However, our issues are slightly different. For men, we don’t pretend to like one another. Too much testosterone can be a major problem, just as an overabundance of estrogen can equally be a problem. I’ve had numerous women tell me they would prefer to work with a room full of men rather than deal with a bunch of women. It appears that women can, at times, go through a series of hormonal changes that can create tension with other women who may be experiencing similar hormonal issues. At times it seems as if women cannot stand one another, but the issues I outlined do not even begin to touch on the deeper issues.
The competition between women is not innate to people of African descent. This is learned behavior and all learned behavior can be unlearned. If women came together, many of the problems in communities of color can be resolved. In my opinion, the reason men are not upping our game is because the divisions amongst women can be so easily exploited and manipulated. Ladies want companionship, but too many are willing to lower their expectations to meet Mr. Right… even if he’s only “Mr. Right Now.”