“ITS NOT HOW YOU SAID IT, ITS HOW THE WORDS LAND”
By Jane Dovidio-Gagliardo
On my drive home recently, I began to think about how many times I said
something and then regretting what I said or how I said it. I think we have all had
a true “Remove foot from mouth” moment at one time or another. And as I think
back, I have been guilty of this on more than several occasions. I must admit, my
brain and mouth have not always worked together. In the past, I have had the
tendency to speak as soon as a thought enters my mind. But thank God this has
become less of a challenge as I age because half the time, I can’t even remember
what I was thinking. Lol. This seems to be one of the benefits that come with
aging. Lol. I’ve also come to realize I can say the same thing to a group and
almost all of the people I’m speaking to have a different take on what I said or how
I said it. Hence, “IT’S NOT HOW YOU SAID IT, IT’S HOW THE WORDS
LAND.” How the words are perceived, by the person(s) listening, is an interesting
and challenging dynamic. What do you do to avoid this type of
miscommunication? How do you make sure your message is delivered in a
positive way?
What I have learned is that when our words and body language are in sync, our
message is better understood and received. Using body language and assuring that
it is in alignment with the message we are trying to deliver makes the process of
communication much easier. Giving different senecios on the subject we are
talking about is also important to ensure we reach a larger number of those we are
speaking to. Once we have delivered our message, we must be sure to ask what
the person(s) thinks about what we have said. Allowing the group or individuals to
repeat their understanding of what we have communicated also gives us a different
perspective of the subject at hand.
As we strive to become better communicators, we must also consider and accept
that sometimes the way we present a subject can mislead those we are speaking to.
So we must always strive to clarify our words or subject so when the person or
group leaves the room there is a cohesive understanding that is beneficial to
everyone on some level. Driving home thinking to yourself, “Oh shit why did I
say it that way is not a good feeling. But it’s also true that there will always be
people who will take what we say differently than how we meant it. The truth is
people process information based on their level of maturity. I learned this the hard
way as I began to speak to groups about my book and disabilities.
The lesson I am sharing with you now has made me a better speaker,
communicator, and person. If we do not leave room for learning, as we continue to
age our minds, bodies, and spirts will become stale and stagnant.
So, I encourage you to focus on delivering your messages to others with a positive
rather than negative attitude. When the messages we deliver to others are positive,
we also learn so much more about yourself. And, as a result, we become better
people because of it. I leave you with this thought-provoking quote: “By Words
We Learn Thoughts, And By Thoughts, We Learn Life.” (Jean Bapitise Gerard)
Stay Safe. Stay Strong. Stay Fearless.
