How Do You Define Sexy?
By Ronald Yates
If you were to poll a cross section of Americans and ask them to define the term “Sexy,” you would probably get any number of responses. But what is certain, each person polled would have a different definition. For the most part “sexy” is a term used almost exclusively by women. I cannot recall any man I know saying he feels sexy.” So just what does that mean; how should men interpret it? Is it possible to feel sexy, yet have no interest in sexual activity? Understanding the term and how it is used may go a long way toward improving male/female relationships.
First, we’ll need to define what sexy means, then we can differentiate between sexy” dress as opposed what some would consider trashy.” Clearly there are differences. But at what point does one cross the line between sexy versus trashy? For some women, especially women who identify themselves as single, it appears as if their style of dress is to attract the opposite sex. Many women I have spoken to regarding this issue suggest that men are visual, when in reality we as a human species are all visual. Advertisers spend billions each year to attract certain demographics, many are women, so it is not just men who tend to respond to visual cues and images; but what images are women attempting to portray?
For some women, when it comes to clothing, especially now that the warmer weather has set in, the Law of Diminishing Returns, the level of clothing diminishes… but the returns remain dubious. Despite less and less clothing the number of women meeting and forming lasting relationships does not improve. While there are some women who attempt to ward off the competition posed by other women by resorting to wearing very revealing clothing, other women are opposed to the objectification of women. They feel as if women should be recognized for their accomplishments, as opposed to solely their physical attributes. That raises another question; do women who oppose objectification also feel sexy? If so, in what ways do they express sexiness? For men, who are looking for Miss Right, how do you get to know someone on an intimate level when the initial and maybe primary attraction is based on the style of dress that suggests more sex than a lasting commitment. But is that a fair assessment? Do men misinterpret visual cues? Are women simply trying to get attention, then redirect the man’s attention from the hips to the brain, the emotions and heart? Does that work?
If the U.S. birth rates are any indication, the current mating strategy is not going according to plan. As we now begin to emerge from the pandemic, single people who have been cooped up at home for more than a year the rush is on to find a significant other, but how? The usual meeting locations may or may not have re-opened. So many singles have turned to the cyber world to make a love connection. But one might wonder, how do you really capture the attention of a possible love interest over the internet?
If you browse social media, you see a collection of women whose profile status is “single” are either scantily dressed or provocatively posed. Yet those very same women will say that they are trying to meet men who will take them and the relationship seriously. For men it is a matter of what is stimulated first. If the perspective woman has good thought-provoking conversation, who is dressed appropriately, the cognitive centers of the brain fire. But if a woman is dressed in very revealing or provocative clothing it is a forgone conclusion that other centers in the brain will fire-up and conversation won’t be much of a consideration.
For women who read this post some of you will say that “Men don’t care about what a women thinks;” but that is far from the truth. Just as women visualize Mr. Right, men form ideas in our heads of just the sort of woman we want by our side. There are very few men that I know of who hope to meet a clueless woman. The “Dumb Blonde” role may have worked on television and the movies; but, in reality, does not translate well in real-life relationships. Another misconception that some women have is that “Men are only interested in a woman’s physical attributes.” But male thinking is not monolithic. We don’t go the same places, don’t eat the same foods, and have different tastes in women. Women, who cling to the idea that all men are the same, usually form that opinion based on their past experiences, the experiences of people they know or have been associated with. But men are just as diverse in our thinking as women are. I think many women form opinions after having consulted other women; but how can any woman adequately explain the thinking of a man? Men can never begin to understand the thinking of women… so maybe it’s time for us all to begin discussions that bring clarity to the misnomers and misunderstandings that have, for far too long, created unanswered questions and chaos that negatively impact on the quality of male/female relationships.