TABLE FOR TWO
By Doris AC Johnson MA, Psy
This week I had to exercise and expand my attitude about romantic relationships. We are never too old to readjust the setting of our selection and upload new feelings. However, there comes a time when you must stop whispering so loudly about what you require. In other words, be intentional. Do not abort your feelings and desert your principles for a happy possibility. No judgment here; I have done it on some level. Do not feel bad because you do not have to the announcement to the world.
I am practicing transparency in this and every blog to encourage self-modification when and where is necessary. My points are from experience and those of others collectively to share these nuggets with you. Time for an explanation.
You want what you want, and you are not being selfish, but it must be communicated properly. Your approach is the gateway to synchronizing your feelings…or not. Consider yourself. and preserve energy.
For instance, when you go to a restaurant, (and I do not mean McDonald’s…I am talking about a place that provides cloth napkins) the first thing the host is going to ask is, how many are in your party. Will that be smoking and non-smoking? Then he leads you to a table set for two. After you have been seated, the waitress comes over and hands you a menu and tells you the special of the day, which is macaroni and cheese. You are excited because your mouth had a taste for that macaroni and cheese. Just as you say you will take it, she says, “I forgot, we are out of that. Can I offer you something else? The potatoes are to die for.” You are thinking, hell naw, I came here for the macaroni. You said you had it. Where is my macaroni? Nothing else will do. You lower your desire and expectations and unhappily take the substitute. And it better be good, You adjust your taste buds and turn off the voices in your head.
Here we go…Regarding healthy relationships, you want to be involved with one person. You already set a standard and have expectations going in and there is a mutual understanding. You carry this badge although your loud-mouthed friend tells you to go in with no expectations and have a good time. I beg to differ. Your friend has already set the stage for expectations when she suggests that you do not expect anything. Whether you are whispering loudly or addressing the energy with your companion, the table is set for two. You have laid your shit to bear. It is all out on the table. You have told your companion what you want but he offers you something different. You adjust your choices with the hopes that it better be good, or it will get better. You have lowered your expectations based on his bait and switch as the waitress did. She knew they did not have that damned macaroni, just as he knew he was not prepared to supply you with your needs.
The package was pretty until you opened it, but love and relationships have drained you to the point that you are emotionally- dehydrated and you figure that a little drink of water is better than a dry mouth. You accept the noise of passed issues which will not fit comfortably under that table. Some bags must be check at the door.
Why doesn’t it work? The most obvious answer is that people have not considered the table is only for two, and you are expecting what is on the menu.