Is Sex on the First Date Acceptable?
By Ronald Yates
Okay. For many people the answer to that question of “sex on the first date” may be a simple one… there is simply no way they are going to become sexually involved with someone, who is basically a stranger. But for those people who do decide to take it there should we be judgmental? For many women, the issue comes down to “What will he think if I give it up on the first date. Will he still be interested or will it be a one and done.” Another big problem may be what if the vibe is right, the energy, and the chemistry is flowing just right? The conversation has been stimulating, and now has veered into sex. Something within is telling you to make a move, but you don’t want to seem too anxious, so you send him signals that you are feeling him, that sex is very much a possibility. You leave the restaurant, head to his house, but after the build-up you are disappointed. After all that talk of all the ways he was going to manipulate your body, but it was all hype. After some very awkward sex, if you want to call it that, he rolled over and drifts off to sleep. You on the other hand are quietly seething and disappointed with his performance and with the fact that you broke a cardinal rule: “Never give it up on the first date.” With that said there are any number of couples who had sex on the first date and are still together. Some have settled down, got married and are raising a family. While there are bad first dates and even worse experiences, some lead to something that is loving, lasting and fulfilling.
For men sex on the first date isn’t a big deal, we are not socialized with the same stigmas that women are. For men, who have had multiple sex partners, when it comes to their daughters the paradigm changes. As a father he is, at times, overly protective of his girl child while giving his son a wink and a nod to go for it. Is it fair; of course not. In the back of many men’s minds is the idea of his baby coming home with a baby. We stifle young girls with a litany of rules on what “Good Girls do and don’t do.” It is with that in mind that young girls become young women who are attempting to follow the “Golden Rule” when it comes to sex. But it’s not easy when the competition isn’t abiding by the rules. Consequently, when you go out on a date with this nice guy, that you thought was so sweet, on the first date he expects the world. Now let me be clear, I cannot give advice on whether or not you should or shouldn’t have sex on the first date. I think the ultimate decision will always be based on self-image, self-esteem and your own concept of morality.
There was a time when men would wait weeks, perhaps months just to get a real kiss, but times have changed. Sex on the first date or the first week is now commonplace. But back in the day ladies wanted some assurance that if they gave themselves to a man, he would not so easily walk away. She needed to be convinced that she had a piece of your heart… despite the fact that no-one is able to function with a missing piece of their heart.
Today I’m not sure about the relationships that people form. Many seem more like entanglements than romance. Speaking of romance, does that really exist anymore? Have we forgotten what it is to wine and dine a woman and treat her like a lady? I guess the big question is are women demanding the respect they deserve? If you do decide to go home with him after the first date, do you have a leg to stand on when you demand to be treated like a lady? These are just a few questions, I believe, every woman should ask herself before deciding to freely engage in sexual activity with someone she really doesn’t know.