“WHAT’S REMEMBERED, LIVES”
Jane Dovidio-Gagliardo
I lost a dear friend. As I face the loss of her, I can’t really imagine not being able to pick up the phone and hear her voice, meet her for a cup of coffee, call her to wish her a Happy Birthday, or talk to her about almost anything. We always had great conversations. But never again. Oh, what great time’s she and I had. So, this blog is dedicated to her and to anyone who has loved and lost someone to death.
I remember a time when I never gave death a second thought… especially when it came to losing the people I love. I’m sure you can relate. When we were young and in control of our lives… or so we thought, death wasn’t something we gave a second thought. As the years passed, we built memories in our subconscious, without realizing that we would be able to tap into those very memories in the future. But getting back to “What’s Remembered, Lives.” When I was a kid, I could remember my mom sitting on the front stoop with me and showing me how to find different animal shapes out of the clouds as she smoked her filterless Pall Malls cigarettes. And every now and then she would spit out the tobacco that would get wet and stick between her lips and gums. Lol. That’s a memory of her I will never forget. She was really good at finding the different figures in the clouds or after a big rainstorm. I still have fond memories of all the kids in the projects running through the big puddles in the Carter courtyard just to cool off… until one of the moms would come out and tell us we were going to get Polio if we played in the rainwater. Yeah, that’s what people really believed back in the ’50s. Another great memory that makes me smile was I remember it being hotter in the summertime when I was growing up. Maybe because the potbelly stove could never go out or that the apartment was just so small that the air never moved. Another memory. But there are memories in my brain that bring such warmth to my heart. Like when each of my kids were born. I vividly remember their faces as I held them for the first time. Or when each of them went off to kindergarten and their little faces faded as the bus pulled away, I remember that. My first kiss, my first heartbreak, and my first, well sexual experience. Yes, I remember all of that, Lol. But as I grew older and began to experience more and more losses in my life, having good memories of the people who were no longer here, is comforting.
I know now that as long as I hold the memories of my loved ones in my mind and heart the memories of them are only a thought away. Knowing I can bring them back into the forefront of my memory, any time I choose gives me great pleasure. So, my advice to you is… take pictures with your mind’s eye and store them in your internal remembrance cabinet. This will enable you to always see them and keep your memories of them close to your heart. These memories are yours and yours alone.
I leave you with this quote: “One lives in the hope of becoming a memory to someone.” (Antonio Porchia) Stay Safe. Stay Strong. Stay Fearless.
