FIND YOU
By Doris AC Johnson, MA of PSY
I don’t know about you, but I am tired and done with acting out my life in stages. I am only one me…the same me in different places and on different occasions. And it no longer matters whose watching.
I go in with all these great expectations and I see nothing wrong with that if I am being honest about who I am, and honest about what I am looking for. My stance on this will never change. We too often shrink emotionally and sometimes mentally to fit in. I no longer fit into my mother’s womb when I reached the weight of 8lbs and 6 oz. I was not born to fit into any place. If you want to act as a puzzle, then look to be puzzled. You will never find that peace. I came with presence, and I will remain. SO many times, I didn’t realize that. I have fallen off the wagon, but those days are longgggg gone. I, like many of you, searched for my daddy under every rock and chair, and he was not there. Looking for him in my relationships drove me to a dead end so I settled…sadly yet hopeful.
We all meet and fall for someone who we think, well at least hope is into us as just as we are into them. Let us face it (I cannot go on without saying) someone always likes the other one more. This means that the level of interest is not quite equally yoked. There is never quite a balance in your emotional checkbook, but the time to pay is coming due. Relationships should not be like phonics having to bridge gaps and fill in the blanks
It’s like this…We may be partnered with someone who is guilty of making more emotional withdrawals than emotional deposits. What I mean is…instead of interest accruing, they assist us in allowing the relationship to depreciate in value because they don’t invest in our dream of this happy home where we are free to eat gumdrops and lollipops for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and we forget to invest in ourselves. Lack of activity will cause your emotional debit card to close out, checks will bounce, and you should too.
If you have to keep asking and asking and pleading and pleading and going to 5 different friends for the same advice hoping for a different answer…you KNOW the truth, but you love the lies. And you cling to the shore of life and lack of love because you’re afraid that if you go into the deep end, you might drown when all in all, taking a chance is better than choking on choice. If you are complacent in a lonely lowly place, then you are already drowning and will not actually realize this until you try to breathe. You are not dead, you are not dying, you are using your good energy trying to resuscitate a relationship that is already on life support. It has gone into cardiac arrest. It is now up to you to pull the plug and walk away. Save yourself. Save yourself from heartache, headache, and mental anguish. Find YOU. I have an outline, but you have to walk your own path. Be disturbed by my truth. It’s cool. Come back and read and listen again. I will keep saying what I said.
Let me offer you some NourishMeant for supper. Letting go of something that already hurts is part of the healing.
