COLLATERAL DAMAGE
By Doris AC Johnson, MA of Psy
All I’m saying is that careful consideration in the choosing of a mate is at the forefront of the process and should be at the forefront of the mind. Hearts and stars, and lollipops and gumdrops, and rainbows and unicorns are just as they have always been… for the fairytales. I feel a childlike excitement at the thought of it all, but what I see in front of me places a dark shadow over the wonderment. Nothing in relationships is cut and dry. Unfortunately, there is no blueprint or floor plan. I don’t like this whole “going with the flow” mentality, nor do I believe that love and life can not hold a hint of spontaneity. Let me be the first to announce that I am a very fixed person, so I don’t leave much wiggle room. I could be wrong for that. I realize and I don’t mind sharing that emotionally, I have locked the door and thrown away the key in some instances. In other cases, I have closed the door, removed the doorknobs, but instead of throwing away the key, I hid it. Why? Because I was secretly hoping that the man who was vying for my attention, (whose attention I held near and dear to my heart) would care enough to break down that emotional door and replace the key that I had done away with, with the key to his heart.
I know all these things yet; I still do it. I am a work in progress. On the flip side…you know I always have one, the human body is comprised of over 600 muscles. The heart is one of them. I have had headaches, migraines, toothaches, contractions, and quite a few other muscular aches. These can be alleviated or relieved by medication. The most difficult to heal is a heartache. There is no prescription available. The fear of rejection has the potential to eat you alive. Running from it may cause you to run right into the wrong arms and misinterpret views and goals of the one you have gravitated towards. You need to be clear to yourself before you can make yourself clear to anyone else. And it is unfair to “pretend” to do so, purposely, or inadvertently. If you are not ready to sit down, do not bring a chair to the table. When you do that, feelings and hearts get involved…and all the confusion that you walked in with sets the stage for “false insecurities” because in essence, you are fine, right? It is the bad vibration that takes us there and breaks us down. Sometimes, we get in the way of others. We get in situationships simply because that person was there and available…and he or she became a casualty of the emotional war. It would be so nice if that person would just say, “I know that I’m hurting, but I didn’t realize that my hurt would hurt you. I didn’t sit with myself long enough to see my issues. I was drawn in by your window of hope, but the light was too bright for the darkness inside my heart. I didn’t stop to explain. I assumed that you understood.”
Now, it’s just you and your shadow, and his fingerprints. Why? Because you got caught in the chaos and crossfire of someone else’s damage and your heart was collateral. As usual, I am not sorry for saying what I said.
I would like to offer you some NourishMent for supper…If you chose to go in demonstrating vulnerability which serves as a building block to trust, you may consider yourself a part of an emotional minority. If you chose to go in demonstrating transparency, which serves as a step to conquering communication and freely giving of your thoughts, consider yourself a part of a spiritual minority. YOU KNOW that your skin fits. Those shadows of doubt cloud your judgment and functions in a relationship. But you have done the right thing
