MONKEY IN THE MIDDLE
By Doris AC Johnson, MA of Psy, ABA
I always hated the childhood game, “monkey in the middle.” I was either too short to snatch the ball, and the other children laughed at me, or I was too tall and couldn’t snatch the ball, so they called me a Gump. The more the ball flew over my head, the angrier, more determined, and competitive I got. I saw it coming, but it got past me. Either way, the ball went right over my head.
This week, I zoomed in on an all-male relationship forum. Believe it or not, I get tired of hearing my own voice, so I thrilled to act as a
spectator. It was extremely noteworthy to hear a males’ perspective and assessment. Instinctively, I knew the opinions and life experiences they were sharing would be beneficial to the lady listeners…(me included)…as I also expected some women to go against the grain of the truths being revealed.
The questions posed by the female callers were interesting and at some points, disheartening. I heard the voice of a familiar stranger…my former self and I didn’t like it.
You don’t have to throw yourself over a train track to make someone love you or take notice of your efforts. You don’t have to over-compensate to prove who you are. You can take a loss with pride.
You don’t have to fight to be your boyfriends’ or husbands’ man.
Choose your battles. The person who is needing to be needed is in
fact, the needy person.
You’re missing the point. Sometimes we get in our own way…so determined to get the win and the gain that we forget what we are in it for… (enjoyment). We aren’t even taking the time to listen to the game…so quick to make excuses or spit a rebuttal. Maybe you’re not familiar with the adage “God gave you two ears and one mouth…” say less. You’re in the wrong place to be right. An iron gate blocking all stones of fact from penetration makes it even more difficult to learn the
truth instead of marinating and fossilizing in the lies. How will you gain your peaceful balance? You can’t be anyone’s peace if you yourself are not at peace. We find ourselves falling into a trance and fixation on that ball that’s never going to drop. All you can do is catch it or not.